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report: apple to release OSX for abacus, paper

from the fake-as-news dept.

CUPERTINO, CA -- On the heels of rumors of Apple's intention to switch from PowerPC to x86 processors, comes the stunning revelation that the company is looking further ahead to make an even bolder move: a change to what Apple "iCEO" Steve Jobs described as "the shift to neural computing."

Apple enthusiasts who on the Internet had described the port to x86 alternatively as "undisputably moronic" and "the greatest thing since the last Finder update" where stunned to the point silence for several seconds when hearing the latest news.

In its most recent quarterly investor newsletter, Apple had cryptically disclosed it had acquired a controlling share of The Friendly Woodchuck Paper Mills, a Tuskegee, OK-based paper production concern. This move had investors and analysts scratching their heads, until this week's disclosure of Apple's skunkworks project dubbed "iWritePad".

"The iWritePad is going to change the way we think about computing," said an Apple official that wished to remain anonymous. "You get a blank slate on which to scrible free form text, maintain ToDo lists, record your thoughts, even create architectural drawings, using the iPen. It will also come with an iAbacus built in the package for quickly performing mathematical operations. Unlimited storage, and all natural product. Acid free, too."

But is this a brilliant move, or folly?

"The next logical step after moving from PowerPC to x86 would appear to be a switch to 680x0," said an Apple spokesman. "But Apple is all about innovation, so we're skipping steps. And those that say that these are moves in the wrong direction just don't know the meaning of the words 'wrong' or 'direction'. Or of 'word' for that matter."

OSX for iWritePad will include an advanced "iInk-based" "icon" "system" to "navigate" between the different "pages" of the "device". While pricing has not been finalized, the plan is to release the product at $299 per pack, which would include one iPen and 50 "letter" sized "pages".

"300 bucks seems a little bit much to charge for pen and paper," A skeptical analyst remarked, to which the Apple official snikered "Does paper come with shiny blue-white headings and a cute little Apple logo? I think not!"

The Apple official also hinted at something even bigger in the pipeline, an update to their fledging digital music product line, and one which has fueled the company's recent profits. Asked to describe this project, the official refused initially but then added. "I have one word for you: Vinyl."

Categories: technology
Posted by diego on June 4 2005 at 7:24 PM

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