Just got this from my brother, one of these email chains that's going around. Heee-larious! Must read.

Top 24 Jack Bauer Facts

• If Jack Bauer was in a room with Hitler, Stalin, and Nina Mayers, and he had a gun with 2 bullets, he'd shoot Nina twice.
• 1.6 billion Chinese are angry with Jack Bauer. Sounds like a fair fight.
• Jack Bauer could get off the Lost island in 24 hours.
• Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location of the keys.
• Jack and Jill went up the hill. Only Jack came down. Jill was a fucking terrorist.
• The only reason you're conscious right now is because Jack Bauer doesn't want to carry you.
• Killing Jack Bauer doesn't make him dead. It just makes him angry.
• There were originally five horsemen of the apocalypse. Jack Bauer said he would travel by foot.
• Jack Bauer sleeps with a gun under the pillow. But he could kill you with the pillow.
• When Kim Bauer lost her virginity, Jack found it and put it back.
• After running out of ammo, Jack stood in the line of fire, took 3 shots to the chest, and used them to reload.
• A Priest, a Rabbi, and a Minister walked into a bar... and Jack Bauer is going to find out why...
• Jack Bauer has no friends, because as a child when he would play cops and robbers, the robbers would all be interogated and killed.
• Nostradamus once predicted in his journal: "In the century 21st, the one known as Jacques will be the savior of the world... five seasons in a row." Moments later, Jack Bauer knocked down the door, shot Nostradamus in the kneecaps, and yelled "WHO ARE YOU WORKING FOR?!"
• When life hands Jack Bauer Lemons, he kills Terrorists. Jack Bauer fuckin' hates lemonade.
• As a boy, Jack Bauer interrogated his parents on Easter until they revealed the location and contents of each hidden egg.
• Jack Bauer doesn't miss. If he didn't hit you it's because he was shooting at another terrorist twelve miles away.
• When Kim Bauer lost her virginity, Jack found it and put it back.
• Jack Bauer has been to Mars. Thats why there's no life on Mars.
• On Jack Bauers Tax Returns, he has to claim the entire world as his dependants.
• Jack Bauer can eat just one Lay's Potato Chip. Don't tell Jack what he can't fucking do.
• It took God six days to get His job done; Jack has 24 hours.
• Superman has Jack Bauer pajamas.
• Jack Bauer is the reason Waldo is hiding.